Monday, June 9, 2014

Decker's Wood by Kirsty Dallas....Review by Kathy

Decker's Wood

Decker Steele had it made...Penthouse apartment, VIP parties, girls on tap. You see, Decker Steele is the Pornography Associations award winning, money making machine. But what does a self-confessed, pussy pounding warrior do when his prized package begins to fail? Freak the 'F' out, that's what!

Andi Jennings is the socially inept, geeky and awkward cousin of Decker's best friend. Only she's not so geeky and awkward anymore. Now she's a smokin' hot country bumpkin, with a smokey voice made for phone sex, and a pair of hot as hell cowboy boots. Everyone adores her, my porn star buddies, my mom and dad, my 'equipment'. 

So, the prized package isn't so failing anymore, the catch is, it will only perform for Andi...My friend WITHOUT benefits. 

What will the prince of porn do? The girl or the career?

** Reader Warning** - This novel is NOT a dark romance. There are absolutely no whips or floggers, no matter how much Andi wants to smack Decker over the head at times. There are no BDSM slavery themes, unless you can count that Decker is a slave to Andi’s hot cowboy boots and sexy Texan drawl. Decker’s Wood does however feature glitter rain, manscaping, vajazzle, tequila shots, roof-top dancing and one hell of a dick trick!
I have been waiting for this book from the moment that I read the blurb. Was one clicking within moments of Luke Williams( The Hottie on the cover) announcing that it went live early. I started reading it and unfortunately had to deal with little things like feeding my family which forced me to put it down. This was on chapter 3 and I was already cracking up and really annoyed that I had to put down my kindle. I was already taken with Decker and his epic failing package and the Texas spitfire that is ANDI.

Decker snorted. "Country, a sweet little thing like you couldn't handle a man like me. I think it's safe to say that eye fucking is as far as you and I will tangle."
"It's adoring the way you assume I would want to tangle with you, Decker. As it turns out, I don't, you're not my type."
Decker shook his head in amusement. "Unless you're gay, I'm your type." His confidence pissed me off.

Decker snorted before letting me go. "It's a normal male response. Pussy gets close, dick gets hard. It's how we keep you women happy and satisfied."
"If you think a hard whistle is all it takes to keep a woman happy and satisfied you, my friend, are sorely lacking."
Yup all before chapter 3. I know you're thinking ohhh a book about porn. Great sex, sex, and more sex..Yes there is sex cuz yeah it's a book about a porn star, but it is so much more. This is not a jump in the bed at first sight, this was a well developed story that is more than sex. This is about getting to know someone and figuring out what you want. This was a book about friendship, relationships, and emotions. This was about taking that next step and not having that safety net. But yeah the sex was HOT too.

The friendship that developed between Decker and Andi was fantastic. Those first getting to know you questions. I loved the questions. Whether it was, what kind of pet to what kind of underwear. They let you get closer to the characters. i felt like I was becoming friends with them, as well. This was a wonderful surprise, the closeness that you feel to both Decker and Andi. The games these to play to get to know one another are just.... drinking shots and playing bullshit....

"Okay, I have a tattoo on my ass of Tinkerbell holding a bottle of Tequila." There was no way Andi was sporting ink.
"Bullshit," I said easily.
With a devilish twinkle in her eye, Andi's hand dropped to the buttons on her jeans.
"Drink up, city boy."

"In college, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a cowgirl. I wore a tasseled bra top, cowboy hat, my boots, and chaps over a pair of panties with Ride Me Cowboy across the butt."
"Drink up," she said with a grin.
"All right Country," I looked right into her gorgeous green eyes as I leaned in a little closer, noting that fresh smell of cinnamon that seemed to cling to her skin, "I've won an award for eating out pussy."
A furious shade of red consumed her cheeks before she shook her head smiling. "You wish. Bullshit."
I couldn't help the arrogant smile that tipped my lips, "Drink up, sweetness."
Omg Andi so didn't take any shit either. I loved that. She didn't need a man to take care of her. 

"Wow, I'm not sure what is wrong with your brain, but I wager it's hard to pronounce," exclaimed Andi. " I'm betting she wouldn't even have the sense to spit downwind."

The book had more wonderful surprises, like Casey and Lionel. OMG I love Casey. Whether he was telling Andi to go mark her man or discussing ways to Vajazzle her VayJayJay. Both of these characters not only brought laughter but true friendship. I loved the over the top, say anything Casey. Yes I know I already said I love him, but yeah I LOVED him. I so want to go out with Casey and Lionel to a club. Seriously Casey had my rolling with laughter.

"He doesn't belong to me, " I said through gritted teeth.
"Then suck it up, princess, and back off." I took a deep breath through my nose, ready to sucker punch Casey. "Or," he held up a finger to my lips to prevent the outrage from spilling out, " go mark that man as yours. Damn, girl, pee on him if you have to."

"You know you can tinker with the triangle. Dye it pink and add some vajazzle. I guarantee you, Decker will flip out!"
"What the hell is vajazzle?"
"Sparkles for your whisker biscuit," the woman painting my toenails answered.
"Whisker biscuit?"
"Dazzle for your vagina," Casey clarified for me, though dazzle for one's vagina still had me puzzled.
"We do landscaping then add some stick on sparkles. Very elegant,"my beautician explained.
"Oh, that sounds cute. But what if one of the sparkles falls off and gets lost somewhere?" I pondered aloud. 
Casey snorted. "Okay, okay, take a chillaxative, my little grasshopper. No vajazzle for you."
"You know, Casey, for someone who prefers a cock over a vayjay, you  seem awfully interested in mine."
Casey rolled his eyes this time, " I'm jut trying to help with  a little muffscaping advice, sweet pea. Don't get your tuff in a tangle."

I have to say that I did run a gambit of emotions with the book. Was literally crying laughing at some of the scenes. The one at dinner with the parents. OMG, I had to put down the kindle to run to bathroom I was laughing so hard. The scene at the restaurant. Yup, another one with tears on my face. I can also say that I yelled at my kindle, loud enough my hubby wanted to know why I was yelling, "You bitch" and "Asshole." Yes there are some not so nice characters in the book that I wanted to punch in the face, balls, throat, or where ever I could. Yes, I know that you sometimes need this in a book, but damn them all. I will admit that my heart also hurt at a point in the book as well, god did it hurt..OK enough about that, don't want to give it all away. I will say that I know this will be a re read for me, that's how much I loved this book. I hope that there will be another book about Ryder. Plus then we can get an update on Decker and Andi, or as Decker called them DECKAND. I need to see more of them and all the gang. Plus there is that really great dick trick...  Please Kirsty, Please....

I am giving this a full 5 clocks, honestly would give it more just for cracking me up so much if I could

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