Rules of Protection: Tangled in Texas...by Alison Bliss..... Review by Kathy

            

-Blurb-

It’s rule breaker Emily Foster's birthday, and like everyone at The Jungle Room, she just wants to get some action. Unfortunately, she stumbles on the wrong kind, witnessing a mob hit. To protect her, she's entered into the Witness Protection Program with by-the-book Special Agent Jake Ward as her chaperone.

When the location of their safe house is compromised, Jake stashes Emily deep in the Texas backwoods. The city-girl might be safe from the Mafia, but she has to contend with a psychotic rooster, a narcoleptic dog, crazy cowboys, and the danger of losing her heart to the one man she can’t have.

Jake's as hot as he is infuriating, and she can't help but push all his buttons to loosen him up. Their mutual, sizzling sexual attraction poses a dilemma: Jake's determined to keep her safe and out of the wrong hands; she's determined to get into the right ones—his.

Okay, I got this book as a recommendation. Thought okay I need a light read after my book hangover. I was expecting a slightly funny read. Little romance with a slight suspense in the background. Well Holy Shit someone could have warned me to be by the bathroom and not to be drinking anything at all during the book. At one time I was doubled over laughing so hard I could not breathe, had tears running down my face and my husband wanting to know if he needed to call an ambulance because he wasn't sure if I was in pain.

"What did you do this morning?" Cowboy asked me.
"I choked a chicken."
The boys all laughed, and then Cowboy looked at Jake and said, "You Dog!" They threw some fake punches at each other and playfully wrestled into the middle of the yard.
Judd and OX grinned, but I was flat-out confused.
"What'd I say?"
" Choking a chicken is an old slang term. You just told us that you performed sexual favors on Jake this morning."
"I wouldn't mind having a girl with that kind of initiative," Judd added.
I couldn't help but laugh at my mistake. "That's not what I meant. Maybe I should've said I bullied a cock into surrendering."
"I'm afraid it doesn't sound much better,"Ox said.
"Jacked up a rooster?"
Ox smirked. "The mental image is already there. Sorry, no dice."
I laughed. "I set a snake of fire."
"Damn, girl!What did you two do in bed this morning?"
"Let's just say I got up really early," I replied.


When I came out of the chicken coop, I realized I had company. Floss gaped at me in shock, Hank snickered, and Jake shook his head in disbelief.
"What?" I asked.
Hank patted my arm, grinning. "Honey, you may have the face of an angel, but that halo of yours is awfully crooked."

Emily is just the type of heroine that I love. She was sarcastic, snappy, slightly crazy and horny. Poor Jake never knew what hit him. Jake was trying so hard to be big bad Alpha man, out to protect her even from herself. Instead she had him twisting, he was never quite sure if he was coming or going. She meets Jake in a bar, then see's a mob hit. To bad for her all the previous witness's against Felts have been killed. She decides to go into Witness Protection. After the first "safe house" isn't so safe, Jake decides to hightail it to his "uncle's"place. There we meet Hank, Floss, Junior, Cowboy,Judd, Ox and Bobbie Jo. These guys are such great characters that I hope that at least Cowboy and Judd get there own book. The book was so funny the first half that truthfully had hard time figuring out only few quotes to use. The second half really had more to do with the suspense part of the book but still had the back and forth with Jake and Emily. This was a fun light read from start to finish. I highly recommend it. There is just enough suspense, humor and romance to keep you on your toes. I mean come on, how many books have a pond with an alligator out back? Or a 500 pound wild Russian boar? You really need to read this book, I promise you will be in stitches. I am giving this book 4 1/2 clocks.